aguy777
 member, 328 posts
 Join Date:
 Thu, 28 Nov, 2013
Sat 23 Nov 2019
at 20:53
More a thank you than a vent.
In reply to Starchaser (msg # 1470):

I've been around on RPoL for quite a while now, and I have seen your posts and games floating around. I've never sent you a message before (because I didn't want to be That Guy as tibiotarsus mentioned), but I have a feeling that my thoughts on you aren't exclusive to me. To be completely honest, I find you creepy. I'm neither Asian nor female, but every time I read one of your posts and see it specifically requests that race/gender combination, I feel weirded out. Now, I don't know you, so I don't know if this desire is due to RP reasons or a personal fetish, but it does come across as the latter rather than the former. I know you're a capable role-player and that you truly do care about your games -- one glance at your Wanted: Players posts and some of the public threads in the games themselves shows this -- but the up-front nature of your request really puts people off. I'm not saying all this because I want to be mean to you or to beat down on you for who you are; I want you to enjoy role-playing as much as you clearly do, and to try and shine a light on why some people direct negative comments to you (and how to improve the public perception of you so you can play with more people).

As for your situation with your friends and former friends, I hope you can play with them again. I know what it's like to play with some truly spectacular people for a long period of time, then not be able to do so due to one reason or another; you feel as if a chunk of you has just been removed.
Starchaser
 member, 698 posts
 Gaijin otaku metalhead
 Don't poke the deep ones!
Sun 24 Nov 2019
at 17:09
More a thank you than a vent.
Thanks for your comments.

I wont debate it. All Ill say is it is not a fetish, and I try to wear my heart on my sleeve. Im sory if it offends some but Im not going to deny who I am.

However, I didn't want this to become a discission about preferences, I was simply trying to let those that I have played with and who I consider friends that I truly appreciate them.
CrazyIvan777
 member, 281 posts
Thu 28 Nov 2019
at 20:16
Thanksgiving
I thought I could make it this year. I really did. I got through other holidays alone, and it was okay.

But a few weeks ago one of the people I GM for died. Might've been a suicide.
Last week I started developing a serious medical condition that I'm now on a whole army of pills and injections for.
And... Well. Alone. On Thanksgiving.
Don't get me wrong- I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot. And I thought because of that doing things this way would be okay for me. (Also, I critically misunderstood certain timing about some other celebrations. My bad.)
But this year has been a year I've struggled hard with loneliness, and the feelings of those I love being either far away or no long willing to interact with me. I thought I'd be able to bypass all that. I did other holidays alone and I was okay with it.
Seeing lovely pictures and hearing lovely stories has just made me feel jealous, and more alone. And I'm sorry to both others and to myself for that. Poor planning on my part.
Guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
Doesn't help that I'm getting the consolation prize: "Tomorrow we'll get together!" - that hurts more. I'm not good enough to have thanksgiving with, but maybe later. It gets the same way around Christmas. Or New Years. Or whatever. "Later we'll totally get together." Doesn't particularly help that a lot of the 'laters' never come.
Damn. I thought I'd be okay with all this.
'Alone' and 'Frozen pizza' shouldn't be how I celebrate Thanksgiving. But here we are.
Kessa
 member, 604 posts
 Dark Army:
 Out to Lunch
Thu 28 Nov 2019
at 21:01
Thanksgiving
I feel you, Crazy Ivan, I am also spending this holiday and probably the others alone. When this happens for me, I try to find a way to make it special for myself: this year it's a good wine I haven't had in years, some of my favorite pie, and some quiet time to myself. It's hard when all you want is company, though. I'm sorry no one else was free today, or willing to invite you along. A lot of people do events days other than the actual celebration day. Maybe you could try to coordinate a second Thanks/Friends giving so you can still see folks and enjoy their company?
ShadoPrism
 member, 1277 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Fri 29 Nov 2019
at 00:35
Thanksgiving
I am doing the alone on T day myself. I lost a good friend 2 weeks ago. He had a bad fall, then other things happened and actually died a few hours before I was able to get to the hospital to see him.
November is not a time of year I like anymore - Mom died in a car accident on Nov. 15, Aunt died on Nov 20. 5 days later. I was in the hospital from that accident for 4 months.
So not a time of year I celebrate much anymore. Tonight it's a potpie I like that is hard to find locally. Should I be thankful I found that pie ? Don't know.
Anyway, there are lots of us lonely people out here on the holidays who can kibitz with you on both the good and the bad of it all. So while we may not be able to talk in person, we still have Rpol.
Jhaelan
 member, 237 posts
 Prefers roles to rolls
 Based in UTC+1
Fri 29 Nov 2019
at 00:42
Thanksgiving
I'm here, hearing you, brothers
Ski-Bird
 subscriber, 64 posts
Fri 29 Nov 2019
at 08:11
More a thank you than a vent.
Starchaser:
I'll substitute usernames for fruit :>
... Which brings me to Marshmallow. ... Then there was Apple. Apple and Marshmallow seemed to hate each other from day one.


A portion of this dynamic sounds tinged with a bit of cognitive dissonance (specifically, a dash of balance theory).

With just that snippet above, I'm not at all surprised that friction developed here.  If you are A, and you like B & C.  Later, only to find that B has unfavorable opinions of C (and vice versa), it's only natural to have trouble squaring that relationship in your own head.

[Oversimplified: Let's say I love dogs.  They obviously like me (because well, dogs).  This two-way street is simpatico.  Then I meet John.  I sort of like John, but then I learn John hates dogs.   This complicates the math.  Boom.  Cognitive Dissonance.  I mean ... doesn't like dogs ... what's his deal!?]

I intentionally left the specifics of the disagreement aside.  Not because they are unimportant and I'm certainly not saying one side or the other has more or less merit just mentioning that dissonance can develop completely independent of the particulars, and knowing it's there sort of helps frame the issue in your head.

Our cave-man brains are simply too hardwired to be social machines, and at times can be expected to function irrationally.  I find it helpful to know where some of those pinch points are ahead of time.  That way, when I get frustrated or what-have-you with XYZ situation, I can try to take a step back and figure out if a part of the issue is my approach ... or perhaps the lens that I'm looking through.

In any event, it takes a lot of guts to pen an 'open letter' on such a personal topic such as this, I hope everything works out.
GreenTongue
 member, 891 posts
 Game Archaeologist
Fri 29 Nov 2019
at 13:03
More a thank you than a vent.
I suppose not liking dogs happens but when dogs don't like someone, I take notice.
Dogs seem to be a good judge of character and don't care what words are fabricated.
Brianna
 member, 2201 posts
Wed 4 Dec 2019
at 01:45
More a thank you than a vent.
In reply to GreenTongue (msg # 1479):

Indeed!  Animals may be puzzled that someone doesn't like them, in my experience they are even more apt to go to that person - to try and change their mind?  But if the animal shows aggressive behaviour to someone, or seems threatened by them, beware, they probably sense something you don't!
DreamQuestin
 member, 212 posts
Wed 4 Dec 2019
at 01:58
Re: More a thank you than a vent.
Brianna:
Indeed!  Animals may be puzzled that someone doesn't like them, in my experience they are even more apt to go to that person - to try and change their mind? 


One of my greatest mostly secret guilty pleasures is when a dog (or cat) comes up to me to be petted and the owner looks surprised and says something like, "Oh! He doesn't usually like new people!".  Most animals know the people that will spoil them some more :D
Brianna
 member, 2203 posts
Wed 4 Dec 2019
at 02:19
Re: More a thank you than a vent.
DreamQuestin:
One of my greatest mostly secret guilty pleasures is when a dog (or cat) comes up to me to be petted and the owner looks surprised and says something like, "Oh! He doesn't usually like new people!".  Most animals know the people that will spoil them some more :D


LOL Depends on the animal though.  My cat doesn't get exposed to a lot of people she doesn't already know, and she's willing to check them out, but it's more curiosity I think, and after she checks, she's back to her usual nervous self.  And I remember a cat we used to have who really wanted my MIL to be pals, even though MIL was terrified of her and would screech when approached.  But they are very different cats, the one I have now doesn't like to sit on laps, for instance, and the previous one did.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1279 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Wed 4 Dec 2019
at 08:28
Re: More a thank you than a vent.
I have one cat that likes people and one who hides from everyone but me. That second one was a rescue, born under one of my land lords out buildings. So he was semi wild from the start. But over time I became the only person he likes or will let near him. Only time he sits on my lap though is when he wants to mooch my food. My fault there, was trying to teach him it was ok to sit on my lap and that is how it turned out.
SunRuanEr
 subscriber, 171 posts
Wed 4 Dec 2019
at 11:18
Re: More a thank you than a vent.
Brianna:
And I remember a cat we used to have who really wanted my MIL to be pals, even though MIL was terrified of her and would screech when approached.

Sometimes I think cats just have a perverse sense of humor. My cat is a friendly cat, most of the time, but she goes above and beyond when my mother - who does not like cats, and makes no bones about not liking cats - visits. Normally, the cat is content to simply be in the same room with people, and doesn't go begging for pets from those who don't live here regularly, but the moment my mother appears the cat is just THERE all the time for her. Leg rubs, head butts, trying to climb in her lap, sleep on the bed with her... all while my mother tries (hilariously) to nudge and shoo her away without being mean about it.

I'm convinced the cat thinks it's a game.
Isida KepTukari
 member, 322 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Fri 13 Dec 2019
at 03:21
Are you listening?
Seriously, folks.  Got a political survey call, asking about whether I was going to participate in a caucus and my opinions on certain political candidates and/or their platforms.  This particular pollster was obviously for a particular politician, one I had never heard of.  His last passel of questions was asking my opinions on a number of platform statements referencing that same unknown (to me) politician.  I told him very clearly that I had never heard of the guy, and thusly could not give an opinion.  Then he asks me another question about a statement... about the same politician.  I told him, very forcefully, that if he had any subsequent questions about that politician, all of my answers would be the identical, "I have no opinion, as I've never heard of him."  He asks me a third question... about the same politician.  I laughed in frustration and hung up.  He called back.  I ignored the call, and blocked the number.

I know the guy has a job, but if you can't listen to me, then I'm not going to waste my time giving my opinion.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1281 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Fri 13 Dec 2019
at 04:08
Are you listening?
In reply to Isida KepTukari (msg # 1485):

That sounds like some of the online surveys I take. They ask the same question over and over, just modify the wording slightly, but it means the exact same thing as they try to force you to give them the answers they obviously want to hear. I have gone so far to tell them how see thru those kinds of questions are in the comments section they often supply. Which I doubt anyone really reads.
Just how stupid do these people think we are anyway ?
Z.Dianli
 member, 11 posts
 What goes...
 ...in here?
Fri 13 Dec 2019
at 04:58
Are you listening?
One of the advantages of living in a brutal, authoritarian, one-party system is not being bugged by these annoying ticks all the time.  (Though getting chased down by local Party apparatchik trying to get people to come out and vote in the sham elections they regularly hold is a bit annoying as well.)
Starchaser
 member, 715 posts
 Gaijin otaku metalhead
 Don't poke the deep ones!
Mon 23 Dec 2019
at 08:31
Are you listening?
I'm tired of biting my tongue when others trample all over my feelings.

I admired someone because I considered them a strong person. I see now that what I mistook for strength was cold, heartless spite.

[edited)

I'm at the point now where I am really starting to lose faith in human nature. Roll back a decade or so and this sort of callous disregard for other people didn't exist as widely as they did today. We live in a society where the media and culture tells us to be sensitive to other people's feelings and yet people have never been more selfish or spiteful or narcissistic as they are now.

I AM NOT PUTTING UP WITH TREATMENT LIKE THIS FROM ANYONE ANYMORE PERIOD. I AM A HUMAN BEING WITH JUST AS MUCH A RIGHT TO MY OWN HAPPINESS AS EVERYONE ELSE. I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS.

This message was last edited by a moderator, as it was against the forum rules, at 12:33, Mon 23 Dec 2019.

ShadoPrism
 member, 1283 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Tue 24 Dec 2019
at 00:39
Are you listening?
In reply to Starchaser (msg # 1488):

Welcome to the Zombie appocalypse - all those self centered persons Are the Zombies.
Also Merry X-Mas and happy Holy Days during this age of the Self Entitled Zombie Appocalpyse!
KingHenryBlack
 member, 31 posts
Tue 24 Dec 2019
at 02:42
Are you listening?
In reply to Starchaser (msg # 1488):

   In two words, "Boundaries" and "Respect" are the watchwords here. I used to get used and abused like a rug in a busy hallway until I finally sat down and thought about what I'm willing to tolerate. Sure, it messed some people up when I began to call them out for what they were saying, but if you let people use you, you're letting them know what you will tolerate in how people treat you ...

   The "Callous disrespect' you refer to has always been there, since Ancient times. But in our instant information age, where something happening halfway around the world is delivered to your phone/tablet/computer mere seconds after it happens ... it's easy to think that it is more prevalent. (Mind you, if you look hard enough, you'll generally find what you are looking for)

   In short, take care of yourself and the ones you care about. The rest of the world can go hang. But remember, only YOU can determine how people treat you. If they hand you a compliment, it's a bonus - thank them and enjoy it. If they try and slag you for something, let them know how you feel about it. You might lose some people in the bargain, but the quality of your friends is likely to improve. :)

Cheers.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1286 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Fri 27 Dec 2019
at 15:58
Are you listening?
FICO credit scores are wierd. I just don't get it.
First it tells me my score Dropped because I don't have any loans to pay off (something I am rather proud of really.)
Next it tells me it also dropped cause I used my credit card To much (high balance) but as they were paid off by the next bill, I don't understand the problem. (I had some unexpected expenses, one after another that were over $1200 each, in 2 months time. Apparently having High amounts of used credit lowers the score, never mind if the credit card was actually paid off or not.)
Score has dropped over 40 points since March, because I am Actually using my credit card apparently. (and don't have any outstanding loans.)
How insane is this ?
evileeyore
 member, 264 posts
 GURPS GM and Player
Fri 27 Dec 2019
at 16:31
Re: Are you listening?
ShadoPrism:
How insane is this ?

Very,  And work in the industry so I see some of the backending on these things, even though it's not my department (I work in the credit card mines, where we dig for new suckers customers, it's a predatory business not unlike the mafia).

If you want I can delve a bit into some of the reasoning (or if you don't like as I am)... and honestly, a lot of it comes down to how your card company reports your activity to the credit bureaus.  Most card companies hate it when you pay off the entirety of the balance, and if it was a high balance they might report it in the same manner as a 'paid off loan', which as you've discovered dings your score (not just not having a loan, but when the loan closes out it dings you).

So you're getting a monthly ding for 1) coming close to or maxing your card and 2) closing a "loan".

Talk to your credit card company, find out why they're dinging your credit for "standard" usage (come at it from this angle).  They'll likely explain to you what they consider "standard" usage to look like (or you'll get run around so hard you quit because no one anyone can connect you with understands how the sausage gets made).  At least then you'll know why, when, and how your credit company will be tattling on you to the bureaus, so you might be able work around the dings.

This message was last edited by the user at 16:34, Fri 27 Dec 2019.

Dream Sequence
 member, 52 posts
Fri 27 Dec 2019
at 16:49
Re: Are you listening?
It's not insane at all, you're just not correctly interpreting what your credit score is and what its purpose in existing is.

Most people think of their credit score as a reflection of their financial responsibility, like if they're prudent with their money and careful about going too deep into debt then they "deserve" a good credit score, like as some sort of congratulatory pat on the back.

This is nonsense!  Even if the strongest measure of your level of financial responsibility is how well you keep from going into debt (debatable), even so, that's not what your credit score is designed to measure.  Consider who it is that invented the idea of credit scores and decided what criteria to use in determining them:  The credit industry.  Your credit score does not exist for you.  It exists for them.  The purpose of a lender is not to reward you for being wise with your money.   They simply couldn't care less.  The purpose of a lender is to generate profit.  Everything they do is designed toward that end, including their fixation on credit scores.  In that light, contemplate that:

Your credit score isn't a measure of how well you pay off your debt.  It's a measure of how well you pay off -interest- on your debt.

If you're using your credit cards but not running up a balance, you're not paying much interest, and so therefore you're worse than useless to the credit card company: you're enjoying the benefits of their services without generating any profit for them.  Why would they reward you for that?
donsr
 member, 1781 posts
Fri 27 Dec 2019
at 16:50
Re: Are you listening?

This message was deleted by a moderator, as it was against the ToU, at 16:57, Fri 27 Dec 2019.

SunRuanEr
 subscriber, 180 posts
Fri 27 Dec 2019
at 19:53
Are you listening?
ShadoPrism:
Apparently having High amounts of used credit lowers the score, never mind if the credit card was actually paid off or not.)

They definitely don't like when you have over X% of your available credit used (how much that percentage is may vary, but it seems to really hit hard if you're over 30%). But I've had my cards, well under 20% (and closer to 10%) get dinged a few points just for putting a lousy $40 on one (the larger one, where $40 isn't even 1%). It happens. The important thing to remember is that a credit score is a measure over time - yes, you might get dinged this month, but if you keep calm and carry on with regular payments and not routinely running up charges, it'll steady out eventually and go back to where it should be.

...unless your company is really dinging you twice, like evileeyore suggested, in which case I'd maybe contemplate changing cards.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1287 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Fri 27 Dec 2019
at 20:45
Are you listening?
Can't change cards really - got it through my bank - interest rates on it, if I am late, is only 10%. Every other card I have Ever had was around 18% or higher (one group upped my interest rate to 40% with out telling me - I could not even pay the interest by the time they pulled that stunt - forget anything on the principle at that time in my life [collage]. Had to take out a loan to pay the card off. Which took 5 years to do. Cancled that card though cause of the shiitake* way they treated their customers.)
I get that they don't make much money off me, but punishing someone cause they use over 30% of the card value just seems stupid to me. - Prior to this my credit rating was 750 to 758 constantly - I had emergency situations, only reason I used the card to that level. But I feel like they are punishing me for it.


* I looked up the spelling on this - this is the correct spelling for the mushroom. I am triing to stay with in forum rules here.