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09:06, 29th March 2024 (GMT+0)

Vents with allowed responses - 3.

Posted by GamerHandle
CrazyIvan777
member, 285 posts
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 14:33
  • msg #1537

Blamestorming at work

Two years ago I had, within a one-hour drive, seven different people who I could hang out with, take in a movie, game, have lunch or dinner, what-have-you. Normal friend stuff.
Since then, two have moved out of the country, two have moved out of state, two just don't hang out with me anymore, and one... the one I considered a best friend... ghosted me. Just stopped talking at all. I don't know why, and I may never.
But hey, it's okay! When I say I'm going to run a game, people come flocking! Yep, absolutely! I can absolutely GM and write and run games for folks. I mean, I'm good at that.
When the game ends, of course, everyone's ready to talk to each other and make plans for other stuff. I mean, not with -me-, of course. That'd be... foolish? I guess?
I'm not going to stop running games. I -like- running games.
And I feel that if I stopped? No one would interact with me at all.
And yes, I know. Suggest. I have. I've suggested lunches. I've suggested movies. I've suggested just getting together to hang out. In response, I get empty promises. Lunch? Yes, one of them said that'd be a great idea... mid-January. Hang out? Sure! Oh, making definite plans for it? Total silence. Rain-check for a meet-up? A lot of hemming and hawing.
I feel so damn alone. I feel like no one really wants to interact with me face-to-face anymore.
I feel like if I vanished, no one would really miss me. Maybe they'd miss the games, but they wouldn't miss me.
tibiotarsus
member, 126 posts
Hopepunk with a shovel
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 16:46
  • msg #1538

On fair-weather friends

Maybe check in with the good friend that vanished, since something bad might have happened to them, or to their brain: I know my instincts when badly ill, mentally or physically, go something like "pretend nothing is wrong...crawl under a porch to die...if you survive this bout, spend ages finding the courage and social energy to go about apologising..." Depression thins down the communicative centres of the brain, too, so...if there was no argument involved and you haven't changed dramatically enough to not be the person they made friends with recently, check up on them because it's probably not you.

Otherwise, aside from telling them how you feel you folk don't just hang out enough, I think you need better or/and non-gaming friends. If you can volunteer somewhere, or find somewhere local or online that caters to other hobbies you have, that's a good place to encounter people with similar interests you might get on with.
KingHenryBlack
member, 35 posts
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 17:31
  • msg #1539

On fair-weather friends

   I've had the same thing when it came to friends; when I adverted for a game beginning, people came out of the woodwork to ask if they could play - they raved about my games and always seemed to enjoy the atmosphere and effort I put into them. But outside of the game, I wasn't invited elsewhere and always felt like a 3rd wheel on a bicycle whenever I went with them to a movie or something else. It got frustrating after a while, and I eventually walked away from those same people after my breakdown 6 years ago. I never knew if it was me or them that was the problem, and even occasionally, I still wonder ...

   I can count on one hand - and have fingers left over - how many friends I have, and only 1 of those I would consider a 'best friend'. I haven't seen him in almost a year now physically, but I keep in touch through Email and Facebook (yes, *that* place), but my circle of friends has always been small since I was in High School during the Middle Ages. :)

   I'd suggest possibly that you might try and go out to meet others, and find people on your own to enhance your circle. If there are things other than gaming that interest you, find a club and ask to join. What tibiotarsus says is true - there are other places where you could find new friends and enjoy a better quality of life. Go forth and have fun ... and you might find some people to share it with, along the way.

Cheers.
witchdoctor
member, 173 posts
ᏣᏔᎩ
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 21:45
  • msg #1540

On fair-weather friends

I think that CrazyIvan777's experience is pretty common.  The same thing has happened to me post-college.  In college there was ALWAYS someone, usually a handful of someones, around wanting to hang out, go somewhere, do things together, etc...  Post college that number has dramatically thinned out to the point of only seeing some of them when they're logged into the PlayStation Network and they pop up on my 'friends list', beyond that they never call or text or FB messenger me or anything.
  I used to think we were a pretty tight group but proximity was the catalyst it seemed.  Some of that group still hang out and play tabletop/online together but I rarely get to join in because my work schedule is the polar opposite of theirs.  I try to stay in contact with them but it's really difficult these days despite the communications abilities of modern Life.  Such are First World, 21st century problems...
This message was last edited by the user at 05:43, Sun 08 Mar 2020.
GreenTongue
member, 915 posts
Game Archaeologist
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 22:12
  • msg #1541

On fair-weather friends

I believe you can thank the instant feedback provided by a cellphone.
Compared to that people are boring.
Like the difference between reading and a movie.
Best I can tell people would much rather watch a movie than read a book about the same subject.
So, instead of the "boring" interaction of talking, they interact with their phone.
OceanLake
supporter, 1104 posts
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 00:23
  • msg #1542

On fair-weather friends

Suggestion: Learn to play bridge and find groups. You'll be welcomed, and one or more will be happy to tutor you. In general, find groups that have the same interests as you. If you keep fishing in these pools, you'll eventually land one or more persons who relish companionship.
Isida KepTukari
member, 342 posts
Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 00:44
  • msg #1543

On fair-weather friends

Or perhaps a local library or gaming store has some board-gaming nights. Those don't require the intense time investment of RPGs, and since you are mutually entertaining each other (unlike an RPG where the burden is usually more on the GM) you might be able to find people who like games, but are more chatty and willing to talk or interact in ways outside of games.
KaiWriter
member, 61 posts
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 17:46
  • msg #1544

On fair-weather friends

If you play something that has an official league (something like D&D's Adventurer's League or Paizo's Pathfinder/Starfinder Society), get involved with it.  If you're looking for more games, you might be able to suss out more interested parties at things like that- usually there could be people who play there and then have other groups.
GreenTongue
member, 916 posts
Game Archaeologist
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 17:54
  • msg #1545

On fair-weather friends

I play Magic the Gather's Commander / EDH format for this very reason.
People need opponents to play against.
If you show up, some will play.
Silverlock
member, 108 posts
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 19:25
  • msg #1546

On fair-weather friends

There used to be a brick-and-mortar game store within easy driving distance where a game could be found any night.  The same group of gamers would hang out, eventually wind up at the all-night diner, and break up about 3 am as we had work the next day.  This went on for a while until the game store began cutting its hours, then changed owners, and then the group splintered into the 'clique' and the 'nobodies'.  The 'nobodies' were good enough to game with, have GM a game for the 'clique' but NOT good enough to be included in any 'clique' events, etc.  I was a nobody.  The only clique member that can recall my name only speaks to me when he wants to buy - very cheap - my extensive collection of painted miniatures, which he plans to sell.  Bad news; there are a lot more bad people who will act like a friend and be worse than an enemy to you.  If I knew how to find good friends, I'd share the knowledge, cos I have very few people in my life I could call friend, and it's not for lack of trying.  We invited 50 people to a party to celebrate a major birthday and a retirement, and 20 showed up.  The OLDEST friends showed up.  The more recent showed up late.  Good luck finding a decent human being out there; joining a gaming club will at least get you some human interaction though.
GreenTongue
member, 917 posts
Game Archaeologist
Mon 9 Mar 2020
at 12:52
  • msg #1547

On fair-weather friends

I have been lucky I guess. The gaming store I go to has a sign-up sheet for "pods" (group of 4) and anyone can signup. This really helps getting people to play with.

I'm in my 60's and often not the first choice for others to play with but over time I have played with a lot of the regulars. Now, I usually don't have a problem finding people to play with there.
I have found that once you become a "known quantity" you become accepted.

Outside of the store they may not want to hang out with me but that's fine. When I was younger it was a lot easier but this is a common problem.
From what I read, it is a serious problem with older people. Their skill at meeting people has atrophied and they become isolated and depressed.

Gotta get out and get exposure.
There should be more places for older people but if nobody makes them, they will not come.

Online is a substitute but not the same as live.
CrazyIvan777
member, 287 posts
Wed 11 Mar 2020
at 20:42
  • msg #1548

Re: On fair-weather friends

GreenTongue:
From what I read, it is a serious problem with older people. Their skill at meeting people has atrophied and they become isolated and depressed.

Gotta get out and get exposure.
There should be more places for older people but if nobody makes them, they will not come.

Online is a substitute but not the same as live.


Very true. Very true. And I'm slowly coming to realize that, while I want the companionship I had before, it's not realistic to get that again. Instead, I have to start to rebuild. But what you said about atrophied social energies, that's... really the case.

So I've decided to just say 'yes' to anything people are doing. I hear about a book club? I'm in. A playtest of a LARP? Yep. On my schedule. Movie outing? Ye.... wait, I have something else scheduled that day.
But yeah. I need to get out there. And I'm doing it as much as I can.
SunRuanEr
subscriber, 228 posts
Wed 25 Mar 2020
at 22:55
  • msg #1549

Shelter-in-place orders.

So the counties around mine have issued Shelter in Place orders. This is not a rant about being under one of those.

As a courtesy, the local news put out a video listing what you can and can't do, under the order.

On the list of things you CAN do? Play Golf.

Play. <profanities go here>. Golf. And specifically Golf. Not any other sport. Just Golf.

WHY UNDER THE SUN IS THAT ALLOWED? /headdesk
ShadoPrism
member, 1304 posts
OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
Gamer-Disorder
Thu 26 Mar 2020
at 00:08
  • msg #1550

Shelter-in-place orders.

In reply to SunRuanEr (msg # 1549):

cause it is really built in to the game to have social distancing. individual or small groups, very far apart.
Imladir
member, 25 posts
Thu 26 Mar 2020
at 00:16
  • msg #1551

Shelter-in-place orders.

More like the people making those decisions don't want to have their lose their golf games. Pch, what kind of monster are you to want to deny them that?
SunRuanEr
subscriber, 232 posts
Fri 27 Mar 2020
at 22:12
  • msg #1552

Argh

In continued quarantine-related rants:

Dear school system -

Why on earth would you give out packets of papers to do offline, for kids that don't have internet access, and then inform the parents (at the end of the week) that you expected the kids to email in/upload their work each day by 4pm to get a grade? What part of 'for kids that don't have internet access' made it seem like requiring them to upload it daily was a reasonable requirement?

/headdesk
ShadoPrism
member, 1306 posts
OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
Gamer-Disorder
Fri 27 Mar 2020
at 22:41
  • msg #1553

Argh

In reply to SunRuanEr (msg # 1552):

The went so far as to put school busses with wi fi amplifiers in certain areas. Never even considering how pointless that is for families that don't have a computer, cause they think EVERYONE has a computer or access to a computer.
Problem is the places that these sorts could normally access a computer, those places are closed because of the virus.
Thus showing the stupidity in action.
DaCuseFrog
member, 90 posts
SW Florida
Sat 28 Mar 2020
at 01:35
  • msg #1554

Re: Argh

SunRuanEr:
Why on earth would you give out packets of papers to do offline, for kids that don't have internet access, and then inform the parents (at the end of the week) that you expected the kids to email in/upload their work each day by 4pm to get a grade?


I'll do you one better.  The school system in my area gave us websites of places to go so we could download and print the work to do offline.  So no internet, no computer, no printer... wow, three for three (obviously not talking about myself here, but we are one of the poorest counties in our state).  What's an email address?  And public libraries are closed to the public for at least a month (though they are offering curbside service for hold requests, which is actually pretty smart - at least someone is).
praguepride
member, 1587 posts
"Hugs for the Hugs God!"
- Warhammer Fluffy-K
Mon 30 Mar 2020
at 04:44
  • msg #1555

Re: Argh

After everything that has happened I know of a trained medical professional who is still dismissing COVID as just "the flu".

Like sure...if you ignore that it is twice as infectious, twenty times as deadly and there is no established vaccine or treatment protocol and even just the testing protocols are spotty...then yes. Just like the flu...
tibiotarsus
member, 139 posts
Hopepunk with a shovel
Mon 30 Mar 2020
at 12:14
  • msg #1556

Re: Argh

Whilst commonplace usage of "flu" to mean "bad cold" makes that really awful, the current plague has a mortality of about a third the rate of actual influenza across the entire population, and a tenth that of virulent strains like the Spanish Flu; I think the statistic you have is specific to individuals of 60+, who don't often die of normal flu, but are dying relatively often of this thing because we don't have an effective treatment yet.

Your medical acquaintance needs a slap, though, for sure. They do not sound competent and are clearly causing people fear and alarm, which makes them do dumb things like cram themselves into shops to hoard stuff and spread viruses faster than hospitals can cope.
praguepride
member, 1588 posts
"Hugs for the Hugs God!"
- Warhammer Fluffy-K
Tue 31 Mar 2020
at 00:51
  • msg #1557

Re: Argh

Twice as infectious and twenty times as deadly. While younger people are not dying at the same rates they are still being hospitalized and taxing the system.

Looking at NYC numbers, 10% of people 0-44 get hospitalized and 20% of people 45-64 identified are hospitalized.

Now granted those numbers are biased because it's only people with serious symptoms getting tested but that hospitalization rate is what is really concerning. Yes it isn't as fatal as 1918 flu but we also have a LOT better medicine now. Looking at what is happening in Italy when their medical system gets taxed makes you realize this could be as bad as 1918 but we have a 100+ years of medical knowledge and tech under our belts.
Brianna
member, 2214 posts
Wed 1 Apr 2020
at 08:47
  • msg #1558

Re: Argh

Remember that any numbers you see only include the people who actually get tested, aka at best usually only those who present severe symptoms, and in time to seek help.  I wish stats by country also showed the total population of the country, and percentage of that population that are getting tested, besides whether that country has any shortage of tests, as so many of them do.
Imladir
member, 27 posts
Wed 1 Apr 2020
at 13:17
  • msg #1559

Re: Argh

There isn't all of it obviously, but the most complete stats (as far as I know anyway) can be found here: https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/
Isida KepTukari
member, 350 posts
Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Wed 24 Jun 2020
at 01:32
  • msg #1560

Re: Argh

Look, you can't have it both ways, boss.

I'm a shift supervisor at work, but I'm basically just a regular employee with a pay bump for taking some administrative tasks off of the salaried supervisor's plates.  Said supervisor (called a team coach) has been hounding me for a few weeks about a relatively new employee to our group, saying that he wants her working independently of her trainer as soon as possible.

I'd be delighted to do so, but our training was shot all to heck during the initial pandemic panic (training was suspended for several weeks), then we were all furloughed for three weeks, then they wouldn't let us train for another two weeks.  Now that training has resumed, but due to availability of material to run, we haven't been working on the same machine for more than three days in a row.

It takes a week or more to train someone on a position on these machines, because even if the job is very similar, the machines were built at different times and thus have have different controls, different specs, and different quirks.  Spending two days at one machine, and then two days at another doesn't suddenly mean our trainee is ready to go solo on either!

On top of that, because our trainee has the lowest seniority, she keeps getting pulled from our work group to go do jobs in other groups she was in previously if those groups have higher priority.

Golly gee, team coach, I can't imagine why our trainee can't manage to sign off on any one job if she can't work on the same machine more than three days in a row once every two weeks!
OceanLake
supporter, 1120 posts
Wed 24 Jun 2020
at 02:52
  • msg #1561

Re: Argh

Write down the trainee's work schedule for the past X weeks showing which task s/he did. Keep it current. Show it to shift supervisor at need. Mention, it true, that trainee is standing up well to all this moving around.
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