Uh.
First off. I had an episode big time. I remember doing it, but just I didn't really have much coherency. There's and acronym HALT. Well I was all four. Hungry, I needed food, and my friend hadn't gotten any.
Angry, I get the brakes replaced on the car $700 give her gift card to the grocery, let her get to work in my car, and she doesn't buy groceries. It's icy, we just got home from a HORRIBLE doctor's appointmen, I'm tired. We fight, I try to step out, it gets melodramatic. I just disconnect from her, and post that above, trying to appeal to some other way of connecting. I wanted also to just get away, remove myself. In the post is some truth, some suspicion, a lot of genuine appreciation of people's patience and outpouring of care. Wanting to go home, be in place I can't be kicked out of, that has food, that I can relax in, invite friends over.
I had just gotten home from that HORRIBLE doctor's appointment. I was tired from it and the night before. I was lonely, as my best friend is just making things worse.
Then there was the issue of an RPoL troll and her harpy cove. They've harassed me for about eight years. Suffice to say they picked a bad time to get into with me.
I just felt like, somehow if I wished hard enough, like watching movie that ends badly even though you don't want it to, that I could just go home.
I also know I need to disconnect from most people Online. It's too much. I get overwhelmed. So I get irritable. So people see this pattern. I felt like just escaping to a safe place. I wanted to say goodbye. I shouldn't have, and when I woke up I've tried to reconcile with this bad choice.
Don't go on Social media or get on the phone HALT. I don't...but I do...here.
I don;t get most of your idea tibiotarsus. I've been literal hobo. I can barely walk to the grocery store, hence the need to go to a doctor. Coyotes alkso live literally less than half mile from my fornt apartment door. They're right near the apartment complex. They had to issue signs to idiots that said "don't feed the coyotes" that's a horrible way a die...and even worse to live. I avoid their space, it was there';s first. Love, yeah, that;s been my solace. Standing up for people. Yeah, I know someone who left China who was at the tiananman square campus. I don;t know much, but I know what little next to know one else does, unless they were there. I'd stood up to thugs. Police racism and injustice. A guy in gamestop pulling out knife ona girl over a videogame not being bought. Just yeatserday I gave my Christmas present to guy who had sign, in the sleet and snow that said "Anything would be make my New Year Better" I don;t live to help, but I help where when and how I can. You don't knoe me though. So I'll suffice you and I have different ways of expressing things. I don't get you, and I sense you don't get me. Which I'm fine with.
Aguy777 Ha! Yeah, I've been eating those for like three months straight, along with hotdogs. It's horrible for my weight though. I gained so much weifght trying to fatten my wallet. Yeah, that was failed thread I made, but I'm glad you cared to remember the recipe. MAke sure the red onion is cut and used soon. After making it a severla dozen times, the onion goes bad quick. Unrefrigerated or in the fridge. I love that red onion though, so but it doesn't keep long. I need to find DIY tips that are credible, there's some I dubious of, and some have been shown to be downright dangerous. But I'll eventually have the courage and time to just find a way to expand shelf life, or whatever once cut. I even tried partially peaaling it. That was actually worse. O_o. I still enjoy that sandwich though. I need to go the gorcery and get that. So I'll be brief.
@Kessa. That's sweet. Well, I....all I can say is that I appreciate and am humbled you found identifaction with my posts. You contributed here, and by the looks of it, just about as much as I have given I;ve been here with I think 2001-ish and then 2004 after a break. My post count is miniscule. I aspire to catch up with BBR's record....eight years ago...-_- You contributed to me feeling welcome. If your';re on here, you almost definitely game. ;D So maybe we should game sometime, or just chat, or focus on good things, and try to find ways to get back to them and avoid the bad. If you're resonating with my posts it's gotta be tougher for you than me.
I gotta get past letting bad influence keep getting my attention. It poisons my potential to have friends. It makes me bitter. If someone remembers a trukey sandwish around my Thanksgiving alone, then that's awesome! IF someone feel like they wish I could I stay, I'll make an effort., IF someone wants to me to read their post, the least I can is read it, and write the best reply I can given my OCD will make that a many hour long process.
ShadoPrism You've been a good adversary and ally. I felt like your opinions helped define mine, whether I agreed or not, it changed my opinion, sometimes father away, and sometimes closer. I've also seen you ihn games, and we've been good. I've also seen you in games I made it worse for everyone. I appreciate the evenness. It's like my friend Tom. Tom and Krogan actually. Tom is like this guy who I don't know why, but everytime I (for years at least over decade! actually...) would joijnh my D&D games. Fail and fgail as they did. I really did a number on him, and must have titred his pateience, but he's such a gerenous and kind and mostly consistent guy. Just, like that person who says he'll pick you up at 4:00 Pm and it starts raining at 4 PM, so he arrived like five minute early. Or there's someone else who needs a ride, and so he calls you and says "Hey I'll be late" and means like five minutes late. I've tried to defend him, against other players who think he may be selfish, because I know Tomn, well enough to know when something being aid is far from the truth. He's just like "don't worry about it. I was going to post, but I'll just let it be" So chill, yet so considerate. I really should...try to get in touch with him (is that okay to say [mods]?) I miss him. And Krogan. Another great friend I've had. He's heard me just, at my worst. IT's his honesty, even if harsh, it was always consideerate; that helps me overcome, strive to just keep trying. I feel most like I...wasn't doing right by doing what I did.
Now that that's said. I will stop. Restrict my access to forums. And not get on here, or any part of this site HALT. I need to check on my friend Anne, she's been asleep for like...god...like fifteen hours!